Wednesday, August 4, 2010

joy does strange things to people


I was watching Sex and The City: The Movie yet again on HBO. Goodness knows how many times I’ve stumbled upon it and ceased Astro channel surfing almost immediately.

The one thing that Carrie ought to be thankful for is that she has the right friends. Genuine and tremendously functional friends. Cut to the moment when she was jilted at the altar in that gorgeous Vivienne Westwood + blue bird in her hair... it’s only Samantha who, at that moment of gobsmack, can actually get the wheels in her brain to start chugging way before the rest and proceed to ‘Damage Control’. I suppose it is in her nature considering she’s a publicist but I know alot of people who in their respective businesses, can prove to be utterly useless when called to the plate.

Most of all I admire her bridesmaids for being bridesmaids. You would think that it is only natural that bridesmaids act as bridesmaids do but on the contrary. I had the unfortunate opportunity to learn of this phenomenon. I was thoroughly upset on my wedding day and even more so on the day after when I learnt of judgemental remarks made by a bridesmaid in front of my family. I was not only embarrassed by her indiscretion but also her discourteous behaviour. When confronted by a relative regarding this issue, I had no reply. I was astounded and deeply disturbed. I asked myself if I had asked too much of my bridesmaids? Could it be that I was an abusive Bridezilla and not known it to earn myself such... I dunno... contempt? It was also by onlookers of the dinner event that there were some individuals who did not contribute efforts in aiding the process but did alot of hindering thereof. I didn’t dare surface the subject to any of the other bridesmaids. I didn’t want any affirmation. I would be too sad. I just listened, nodded and gazed into the window.

This was not how I imagined my wedding to be. It was supposed to be joyous with a big bus of cheerleading bridesmaids fighting to make this the BEST THING EVER for me. At least that’s how most of the brides I know describe their day. It sounds selfish but shouldn't we be on our wedding day, non? I spent many significant moments being bewildered as opposed to enjoying every second getting married. I was also told that on this day everyone should take all measures to make sure I was feeling constantly fine. Instead, apart from having to babysit my wedding planner I, pula, had to tip my toes around people’s feelings and that was just, *sigh*, too much f*cking work for a bloody DAMN BRIDE.

I wonder... what could have caused such acrimony? We know what goes around comes around so does it mean that I’m a bad person and karma’s getting redeemed so I should just shut up and not dwell on why. I wondered if it was because the bachelorette party was that financially taxing or if I overworked them like underpaid Vietnamese factory employees on my DIY projects or that I bought them, in their minds hideous, bridesmaid dresses... in my defence:

1. I tried to make sure they didn’t have to spend too much on anything
2. majority of the crafts were done by myself
3. those dresses was selected due to firstly size availability (NOT everyone can fit into a free size dress so I could not have gotten those) and colour (it was serendipity that I could find turquoise and fuchsia of the same dress in those numbers) while adhering to the budget

And if not those reasons mentioned before then what else?

(I never figured marriage to be a competition. Should there be one, I think it best we compete to be the LAST one to get divorced instead)

Petty resentment?
(Are we in the cast of Mean Girls..? ‘Cos last I checked we surpassed the phase of b*tchy highschool girls)

(I don’t recall pulling any of those Cosmo’s smug-married-couple-Bridget-war on people)

Last-Girl-Standing backlash?
(*sigh*... I dunno. I had hoped to get a crowd of George Downes but got a bunch of Julianne Potters instead)

The issue that disturbs me the most is the possibility of them having such jaundiced bald spots in their hearts that would cloud the strength of their perceptions, spurring them on to refuse to do right by their friend on the happiest day of her life. If this was really true then this occasion has revealed how spineless they can be and this honestly profoundly saddens me.

Anyhoo... the wedding is over and I’m not going to waste further time on regrets and whys. I will, though, utilize this experience to evaluate my relationships and remind brides-to-be out there to choose your bridesmaids wisely. I took it for granted that people would be glad to be my bridesmaids but this incident has proven otherwise. Nonetheless all is forgiven. We are friends and friends forgive.

Things go mad at weddings for g*d knows reasons why. Let this not be one of them for you.


Anonymous said...


goingkookies said...

oooh.. that stinks.

whatever it is.. ure the bride.. it's supposed to be ur day! u re supposed to be free from all responsibilities and just glow n say ur 'i dos' and ride off into the sunset..

i hope u have a better post marriage ceremony life.. filled with true friends... even then, they're just humans.

hugs! i don't even look forward to planning mine and i don't even have a bunch of buddies like Carrie =(

shelbybaby said...

huang: i guess i was just hopeful that our relationships would last 'till the end. i figured we were way passed fleeting friendships. still change is inevitable.

goingkookies: you say it perfectly.. in the end we're all humans. i'm human and so i'm capable of feeling hurt and vice versa. don't fret my lovely one, just make a list and do the good ole'cross-out. that really helps. and it takes just a couple of good friends... take from my experience: you don't need ALOT.